Hollie's was too long and it created too much exposition on the location rather than the character.
Brad's to clearly represent his love interest for Harri
How I changed it
- Made Hollie's shorter and aded more exposition of the character
- Added the line 'Blondes have always been my type and this is no exception.' to indicate his love interest in Harri.
Hollie:
Okay, so I'm not average teenager, not someone that gets party invites. Like Molly Ringwald, I make my own clothes. I prefer vinyl over Spotify. I read 2-inch thick novels by writers that most people can’t even pronounce. A Doestoevsky is no punishment for me. I’m more into Simone de Beauvoir than Taylor Swift. I’m fine with all that. My name is Hollie Morris and My dark secret is my [Emily] Bronte obsession – it’s a horrible cliché, but I go for the Heathcliff type, in particular one called …Brad:
Brad. Mostly people see me as loud, banterous someone who lives without the fear of consequences. I do what I want when I want. But never judge a book by its cover. I'm not all that. I can't get over this person, their perfect funny hot and bit crazy. Unusual. Blondes have always been my type and this is no exception.Hollie:
My best friend Harri. Well, many would describe him as, flamboyant. Crazy. An individual, just like my self. Opposites attract you know.
Harri:
'Try a little tenderness' thats the last thing I need to do. Apparently i'm too sensitive, girls arn't into that kind of thing in a boy. But who cares what they think all I worry about is how Hollie feels about me.
don't forget to complete this - the why especially!!!
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