I have re-written Hollie's original voice over to make it shorter. This is so it will cover a good amount of the bedroom shots without filling the whole scene as the music is an important factor in the bedroom scene and too clearly hear the voice over the musics volume needs to be lowered, therefore not being able to hear it properly. So this approach means that we hear an equal amount of non diegetic music and voice over. I could have added a lot more intertexuality but I decided that the voice over would seam a lot more realistic if there were minimal intertexuality links.
This will help the film to appeal to our target audience by using teen slang and references so our central protagonists are relatable and therefore more likeable.
How I changed it
- I have removed some of the description of Hollies surroundings.
- I have now added 3 voice overs instead of 1 to more accurately represent each characters love interest.
- I have also created links between each to help the flow of the voice overs rather than them being stunted and disjointed. Hollies anchors her surroundings and her love of reading, she is also represented as a bit of an out sider and the best friend of Harri. Brad is perceived as a badboy but is revealed to be more emotional that first thought. It is hinted at that his affection lies with Harri creating a counter typical love triangle. This is shown through the mention of his love interest being 'blonde' and Brad describes them as 'crazy', Hollie describes Harri as crazy therefore creating a link.
|The Yorkshire Moorland shots signify that it is set in Yorkshire however Hollie's voice over anchors the setting.|
Most people see me as quiet, reserved, always with my head in a book, most usually a 19th century classic. Poppleton, my home town is just south of York, a tiny village surrounded by sheep and vast moorland. It's just like living in a Jane Austin novel. My name is Hollie Morris. So theres this boy he's dreamy. Gorgeous. And way way out of my league. If only he'd notice me. His names....Brad:
Bad. Mostly people see me as loud, banters someone who lives without the fear of consequences. I do what I want when I want. But never judge a book by its cover. I'm not all that. I can't get over this person, their perfect funny hot and bit crazy. Unusual. Blondes have always been my type and this is no exception.Hollie:
My best friend Harri. Well, many would describe him as, flamboyant. Crazy. An individual, just like my self. Opposites attract you know.
'Try a little tenderness' thats the last thing I need to do. Apparently i'm too sensitive, girls team to go go for boys who are a bit more .... well a rebel. But I am a bit crazy, crazy about Hollie.